For the Record

Kolkata has THE most dysfunctional railway station I've encountered yet. For a city of massive proportion and growing the most central station where all the Southern trains collect it is an utter nightmare. Firstly, it's big city rip off the tourists time beyond anything comprehensible. Every single person that talked to us outright lied. It went like this: Aaron and I arrived at 8:30am after a sleepless overnighter. We knew that there was a pre-paid taxi stand outside the station somewhere... I asked information - "yes, outside to the right". We fend off 10 guys yelling at us for private taxis because the pre-paid didn't exist anymore. But oh yes, it existed. In a piss-hole building that was literally falling apart there was a queue to get a taxi. The catch was 1) the line didn't move at all and 2) the reason the line didn't move was because of the DUMBEST most brain dead absolutely asleep Indian I've ever seen. Glazed eyes, mouth open, and just stunned. Stunned. The Indian guy who was at the counter was yelling but nothing was happening. Totally useless. After concluding the situation was going nowhere we decided to join the even bigger queue outside of the station for a metered taxi. A driver approached us with an offer of 100rps for a ride to Sudder St. It should be 60rps, but we were tired of waiting so agreed. We walked to his cab where we then realized he expected us to cram into the same car as another Indian family. NOT impressed. We laughed in his face, told him to "go ---" and joined the meter cab line again. We were committed this time so as Aaron waited I went inside to get some samosas (another feat all to itself). As I came out with the bag in my hand and joined Aaron in the queue a beggar came up and started harassing and poking me, babbling in Bengali. I gestured for him to leave and turned...still the babbling and poking continued. So I warned him in English... "you are making a sorry mistake my friend! I am in NO MOOD for you right now... I'm going to cause a big scene if you don't GO AWAY!" My rant grew louder... louder... louder... " OK I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET IT BECAUSE HERE I GO! OH YAH THAT'S RIGHT THE POLICE ARE GOING TO COME OVER AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT AND I'M GOING TO LOVE IT AND YOU BETTER GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!" It worked like a charm, and like always ... a police officer came and the scene dissolved just as fast as it had started. I ate my samosa in peace.

For the record there were hundreds of other people stuffing there faces on the street and because of the colour of my skin I get harassed beyond belief? At that moment in time, even if India was a helpless orphan golden retriever puppy I still would have drop kicked it.

So after more waiting and waiting and waiting we pushed our way into a taxi by shoving our bags in the back and jumping in. "Sudder St. Meter!" Good ol' cabbie tries to pull off the fake meter turn on but didn't succeed. "Yah, hey buddy. If that meter says zero when we arrive you're not getting paid so you can just go ahead and turn it on". He obliges, embarrassed. We walked around annoyed and tired for some time until we found a room with a "clean enough" attached bathroom and enough space for one of us to stand up at a time. Later we found out that not only does the smell of piss waft in through the window when the breeze picks up but the quality piping allows for the piss smell to also waft right up from the floor in the bathroom. eeew!

Kolkata was only ridiculously frustrating because we actually had to accomplish normal day to day chores that would take about an hour in Canada but take 4 days in India. But again, for the record, compared to Delhi it was nothing. We started off on a treasure hunt to buy Cail a sitar which was an experience that included inspecting lots of different sitars, drinking chai, making deals and eventually getting to the post office. Aaron went Indian styles with the sitar on his head through the crowds until we found the beautiful and old colonial building which now houses the city's postal services. To big, too long, must wrap, must pack, must this, must that went on and we ended up spending over 2.5hrs just figuring out how to ship the thing home to Mel and Cail. We paid buddy to sew a custom diaper and pack it a little extra and after more chai, a few mosquito bites and some bananas we stumbled home.

More chores were slowly accomplished included getting Visas for Myanmar, paying a visit to the Geological Survey of India (no photos allowed), stocking up on cheap and plentiful drugs and first aid, shipping stuff home, getting money changed (the biggest pain in the ass ever), phone calls, Internet, CD burning and generally time consuming crap that didn't allow us much time to see the "sites" of Kolkata.

We treated ourselves to a night out on the town which started at a restaurant/bar that had live music and 25 waiters too many. Hindi and Bengali hits were the first act sung by Bollywood star wannabes and then...and then... the English band came on. Not only were Beatles covers being belted by an Indian rocker, to ice the cake this hootched out girl came on stage wearing skin tight white pants with criss-cross slits running all the way up and a tank top that was, well, revealing... the straightened and badly streaked hair and lip liner pushed her whole look over the top and when she started slurring the words of Venga Boys, well that was just the kicker - we left shortly.

And, for the record though, later that evening we dominated Tantra night club - only the hippest and coolest place to be seen. After a quick late night shopping spree to get Aaron some shoes we hit up Tantra. It was looking a little sad when we arrived at about quarter after 12 but the R&B and house hits kept coming and Aaron and I started the dance floor party in no time. Fun? Yes. The drinks were outrageously expensive and I mean, more than you would EVER pay at home but luckily because it was a week night we got away with no cover. Dominated.

Nothing much else to report except it rained. And yes, that's a big deal to me as I haven't felt a trickle since ... September? The two downpours flooded the city in a matter of minutes and people stopped working (even more, is that possible?). I actually kind of liked it and made use of the raincoat I've been toting for months.

Because of the escalating situation in Sri Lanka with the Tamil Tigers we decided to give it a miss and are heading to Myanmar (Burma), leaving the stink for the suppressed. We'll see how it goes as travel is limited, time is limited, and mostly everything is uncertain. Oooooh ... Exciting!