Mumbizzle fo Shizzle!

Lifa and I arrived in Mumbai (Bombay, if you will) over exhausted and totally sick of Indian transport. We knew Mumbai was going to be expensive as it is the New York City of India so when we found a room for quadruple what we're used to we agreed to stay. Little did we know, due to delirium, the room came with a rainbow-colour array of moldy walls and ceilings, a toilet that didn't flush, a shower that electrocuted, and a resident pigeon name Jimmy. (The ants, 1.5in mattress's, too short beds, and psychotic florescent lights were all things we were used to). Not to worry though, after complaining to the management (ie. the guy standing on the street) the water started running in the toilet, the bathroom electricity was shut off altogether, and the slats over the bathroom window were closed locking a freaked out pigeon inside. Great. We didn't spend much time in our room.

Instead we marvelled at the wonders of an Indian city without cows, rickshaws, people shitting in the streets (at least in the touristy areas) and the coffee shops and garbage cans! Amazing! (...ok, so I spoke too soon, we found all the garbage and cows shunned to Elephata Island) The street we hung around was comparable to Vancouver's Robson - full of high end shops mixed with street vendors, cafes, and restaurants. Plus all the regular people who can't seem to walk in a straight line or at a consistent pace.

We did all the regular tourist stuff like the Gateway to India, the beaches and markets, and Elephata Island (which paled in comparison to the caves of Ajanta) and also caught ourselves up on some much missed Western stuff like drinking real coffee, eating Italian ice cream, using quick Internet connections and going to see the new James Bond film in English. (Which, by the way, was pretty great, minus the fact that in the Hindi version all the sex scenes are cut out... and everyone knows that's half the reason to go see a Bond flick in the first place). We also saw our second Bollywood feature: Doom:2 - by far the best worst movie I have ever seen in my life. Again, it was all in Hindi so following the story line was slightly challenging but the action scenes were like nothing of this world! Sand boarding, rollerblading, skidooing, scootying, skydiving, things blowing up everywhere, and lots and lots of slow-motion (probably about 30+ minutes at least). The music was worthy of buying the CD (Lifa did) and the dance scenes, well... they involved lots of outfit changes, hand-in-the-air hip gyrating moves, and sexy "look back" looks. So hot. Don't worry, I'll buy the DVD when it comes out. You cannot miss this.

So we give a thumbs-way-up to Mumbai even though we had to live in a pigeon hole for 4 days. But if you think that just visiting Mumbai is visiting India you are sorely mistaken for Mumbai is a little haven of India that I don't think I will lay eyes on again while I'm here. The shopping is great, the food is great, the city is great. Mumbizzle fo Shizzle!

A Wothy Detour

"We're going to a place named after Surry-rats?"

Yes. Yes. Because Lifa and I so badly wanted to add to our ever growing list of world heritage sites and see the Caves of Ajanta we needed to get to Surat to then get to Jalgon, to then get to Ajanta, to then get to the caves. Oh my Buddha!

Lifa does a great job of setting the scene you have to READ IT
You better have read that.

The caves were worth all the hassle, no sleep, sore back and bums and train station squatters. They were amazing. Dated from about 200BC to 650AD the abandoned Buddist caves were not discovered until 1819. They lie tucked away in a horse-shoe shaped george that houses a meek river but incredible views. There are 30 caves in total (not all of which are open or accesible) and each houses the most beautiful, detailed and breath-taking carvings and paintings. Of course no flash photography was allowed but hopefully the pictures give you an idea of what it was like. I could easily compare these caves to the tombs of the Kings in Egypt - so well preserved for being so old that it was hard to understand how they made them in the first place. I can sum their beauty only by saying: "it was worth being in the Surat train station for 3 hours".

The Last of Rajasthan

After our camel episode in Jaisalmer Jusfa took a deep breath and another bumpy, 6 hour, staring filled bus to Jodhpur (yes, where the riding pants were named). We arrived at the bus station ....oh, oh wait, did I say bus station? I meant gas station - that's what they are here and I became truly Indian when I started bartering for a hotel room. That's right, got it down 50 rupees. Remember: in India you can bargain for ANYTHING. After some Fanta's and a nap we explored the old city, saw some cows, and contemplated the blueness of the "Blue City". Our hotel had a rooftop restaurant with a great view of the blue and the gigantic and looming Meherangar Fort built a long long time ago with someone in it! Alive! As the ultimate sacrifice to the Gods! Was this guy crazy?

We decided to take the tour of the Fort. Now, please understand. Rajasthan as a whole is chalked-full of old Forts and Palaces. Don't get me wrong, they're pretty neat, but after the 44th Fort and 87th city Palace they begin to get a little repetitive. Well! Who knew a deep voiced British-Indo accent could change my ways? An audio tour with my personal, seductive, non-staring friend who I could start, stop, fast forward or repeat when ever I wanted changed my mind, that's who. The fort, with or without the audio accompaniment, would have been amazing but Mr. Information just made my day.

Besides the blue and the fort and the bank machine we made use of Jodphur didn't have a whole lot of other stuff to offer to a weary traveller. We moved on to Udaipur, where this time we were dropped on the side of the road instead of any sort of station. Ok fine, it didn't seem to phase us as we were sugar-high off cheese crackers and makeshift biscuits. We did some wandering until we found a place to stay for the right price and settled in to become romantic in the wedding capital of India.

Udaipur is white (mainly) with rolling mountainy-hills surrounding two lakes (which are only full during and shortly after the Monsoons). It's very romantic - for India. In the middle of the largest lake is a super-duper swanky expensive hotel where all the rich white people stay and look out at people like me and Lifa wondering how we survived in such a savage environment. Oh how we wished we could stay there!

Although Laura and I weren't celebrating our anniversary, or getting married, or honey-mooning we did spend our time gazing into each other eyes and doing romantic things. We watched the sunset from Monsoon palace, watched the sunset again from a rooftop restaurant, and yes, one more sunset before our EPIC overnight sleeper bus journey to Surat. Along with our sunsets we also watched Octopussy, the 1983 James Bond flick filmed partly in Udaipur - right where we were (and in the super deluxe lake floating hotel). We enjoyed our curry and lassis (shaken, not stirred) in front of the T.V, atop a roof, atop Udaipur and I'd be happy to tell you to watch the movie, it's somewhat entertaining and totally unrepresentative of our experience there. Bond, Jusfa Bond.

Does Blue Clash with Camel?

The thing about camels is that they have a hump. And the thing about the hump is that it makes sitting on the camel rather awkward. And the thing about the awkward sitting is that it's combined with just-as-awkward walking and trotting. And the thing about the awkward walking and trotting is that you have to endure it for 6 hours a day. And the thing about enduring it for 6 hours a day, for 2 days is that it makes your ass and thighs really, really, really sore.

My camel was named Lalu. Lalu was tall, curly, had one hump, two nose piercings, a sagging lillypad lip, cute fuzzy ears, quadruple-jointed legs, wore a bell and was generally very camelesque. Lalu was a well behaved, quite, leader who liked to snack on shrubs. We got along well.

Our camel safari into the Great Thar Desert started off with a jeep ride out to the desert's edge (or so we thought) and an introduction to our 3 guides (ages 26, 15 and 8!) and camels. We quickly saddled up with water and food and plodded out into the unknown with two other Danish girls and a French guy (who turned out to be great company). The day consisted of visiting some villages where the average age was about 5 and eating lunch under a tree for a few hours while the camels hobbled around with their legs tied together. More plodding, fly-swatting, and sweating in the hot hot heat went on after lunch and as there was a lot of time to just sit and contemplate, numerous questions when through my head.

Who invented the lassi?

Do dung beetles only eat dung?

What happens when a camel steps on a desert melon?

When night fell we enjoyed a campfire, chai and fresh chapatis. The evenings entertainment consisted of songs similar to the Lion Kinks track 1: "naaaaaaa cheven-yaaaaa, na na heeee-sheeeeee mo mo" and a bucket drum. After some apres camel sand-yoga and dung beetle punting we retired under the stars. I was glad to have the protection of a sleeping bag as it not only kept me warm from the cold desert wind but also kept the beetles out - others were not so lucky.

Another ass-beating day on camel back went by. I got a wicked sunglasses tan, ripped pants, and an entirely different view of "the camel". We arrived back in Jaisalmer and tried to get the sand out of everything.

The next day was spent doing what we do best: wandering and shopping. We checked out the old and still lived in Palace/Fort, bought some camel leather shoes, watched some kids play cricket, drank chai, bought more shoes/pants/bracelets etc, and tried to become shopkeepers for the day which didn't pan out so well.

We now will continue our Rajastan rumble in Jodhpur (the Blue City) then to Udaipur to join Liz Hurley and her new bo at their wedding (which Elton and the Beckhams will be attending) ... we hope they don't mind a surprise drop in.

Bringing Lassi Back!

Pushkar is a small, very holy town (no meat, no booze, no PDA and cover up!), known for it's 100 ghats surrounding a lake and the annual Camel Fair it dawns every November. Because the camel fair jacks the prices of everything up about 9 to 10 times, JusFa decided to hit it up apres the camels. Quickly we found out this was a sweet deal as double rooms are about a buck fiddy each.

It didn't take much time at all to fall in love with Pushkar. As all must when they are in Pushkar, I got blessed. The deal is you go down to the lake and a priest will bless you for a "donation", after you're blessed you get a yellow and red string bracelet known as a Pushkar Passport which you can then use to fend off all the other priest that nab at you to be blessed while your hanging out in the town. Well worth the rupees. The blessing involved throwing flowers, coconuts, rice, lake water, reciting God names and thanks, reciting family members and blessing them, asking for good Karma and a long life and many children etc etc etc... It was a bit messy, a bit strange, and a bit hilarious but a bazaar and wonderful experience that ended with a bag of what Lifa and I have deemed 'Karma Balls', that our blessed family members now have to eat. Unfortunately Lifa got really hungry and ate most of hers and I left mine in our last lodge...

Other activities in Pushkar included shopping for the baggiest hippy pants possible, nice wrap-around shirts, getting henna and head massages (by none other than the son of the man who head massaged Queen Elizabeth when she was visiting Jaipur ten something years ago! That's correct, in Pushkar there are generations of highly skilled head massagers), drinking lots and lots of banana lassis, and hauling are butts up a mountain to a shabby temple with a wonderful view, and more shopping in the ghetto touristy areas, feeding the monkeys karma balls and all the like.

We are now heading off to get intimate and interactive with some camels and dunes on a wee safari outside of Jaisalmer...in the middle of the desert. Stay tuned for pictures of Lifa eating it on her camel, I'm sure hilarity entails...

"Welcome to India. I want to have sex with you."

Contrary to my tourist-geared 'Incredible India' map which assures me when I arrive in India I will be greeted with a warm "Namaste", an "expression of both welcome and respect", I am greeted with this (see post title).

Back in India. Back in India.

After a last day of explosive shopping in Kathmandiggigy (good one Katie) Lifa and I took a flight back into Delhi, where this time, we dominated. Rickshaws, hotels, aloo gobi, shoes, trains...we rocked it all in less than 12 hours and were on our way to Jaipur in no time. A smooth 5 hours later we were bunkered down in our itty bitty 8ft by 8ft room planning our next 4 weeks in this bazaar country. First and foremost on the list was to experience a Bollywood flick at "THE" place to go see one - the Raj Mawal Theater...pretty much the equivalent to the Orphum in Vancouver. Faaaaaannnncccccy! We went to buy our dollar fifty tickets in advance and on the way found McIndia! I mean, McDonalds! Fries and shakes were a must before the movie and yes, they were the best fries and shake I've ever had in my life.

Ok, so the movie. "Don" (www.donthefilm.com)(or see Lifa's blog) was pretty much the Hindi version of all the best flicks I've ever seen combined into one. Three hours and one intermission went by and we didn't understand anything, but that's not the point. The point is this movie was romance, musical, action, drama, suspense, thriller and comedy all packed into one! Not only did everyone in the movie appear more good looking than anyone I've seen in India so far, the dance numbers alone were just out of this world. From the 'I'm seducing you and doing aerobics on the bars on your bed' number, to, my personal favorite 'I got a brain transplant, couldn't remember anything but now I do...Praise Vishnu!' number. They were all just so head wobbly, big smiley, arm extravagant pieces of art! So funny, so so funny. Laura and I will be testing out our newly learned dance moves in Mumbai's club scene. I mean, I know we could never pull off the 'wet sari' number but we're going to try just for the fun of it.

Ok, so Jaipur. It was full of forts and old stuff. As Laura calls it. "cultural shit". So we did all that, got really dirty and sweaty, swatted at lots of begging children, and enjoyed two McVeg nights at McD's because there was really nowhere else to eat. In a nutshell we checked out the fort, palace, and Mahal that they had going on. Everything was pink, as the city as known for it's pinkyness, and now for it's rude pubescent school boys (again, see post title).

But just so you know, the tables have turned. India Round II - bring it!

Score
JusFa: 88
India: Nada!